Motorbikes, drug dealers, and hookers OH MY!

So a lot has happened since I last posted.  I moved out of Brendan's in the 'burbs of An Phu (District 2) into my own little penthouse suite in the backpacker district of Pham Ngu Lao, where I worked out a deal of 6 dollars a night for a week.  This included 2 beds (which I needed since the first night I woke up in a swarm of ants and was thus able to move across to the other); a TV which had all the movie channels, some form of ESPN which seemed to only play the Yankees (at least it had baseball), and Bloomberg, which was the only news station; a great view of a bunch of other apartments on the back alleys; my own bathroom which was a shower, toilet, and sink all in one (the floor of the shower was just the bathroom floor, which was actually great because you could take care of everything while showering); and wireless internet (though pretty unreliable).  It was great to be in the center of everything, since I had been in the boonies for the first week, but a week of getting approached every second by xe om (motorbike) drivers, taxi drivers, drug dealers, masseuses (hookers), and cyclo drivers who claimed to know an American or two back in the war, was more than enough for me to want to get out.  So this morning I packed my bags and moved to the couch of my friends' new townhouse on the other side of district 1.  It is quite a relief to be out of the prime touristy spot.

Before you nag, no I don't have a job yet, but I have been networking like crazy.  I have been setting up as many meetings as I can with some of the most well connected people in the city.  Everyone is really within two degrees of separation from each other in the business community.  However, I misspoke at a meeting/breakfast and said "tight-knit" instead of "small" and was quickly corrected.  Although it is small and everyone knows each other, it does NOT mean that they like or respect one another.  I do not want to go into the details of specific opinions I have heard on the different companies I am meeting with, since this blog can be viewed by the public, but there is a big difference here in what local companies versus international companies can do and how they operate.  International companies have to play by the rules, whereas local companies- not so much.  So, if it comes down to bribing a government official, the local company that sends the hooker to his door, beats out the goody-two-shoes international corporation.  This was a real and eye-opening example.  And when I say eye-opening, I mean that I now see that the way for me to get a job is just to send a hooker with my resume to the HR guy.  Sure-fire plan.  Done. 

Speaking of hookers, they can get quite aggressive here.  Just as I was walking home one night pondering the fact that I had never been approached by one, a motorcycle pulled up with a middle aged woman and a young, heavily made-up girl on the back.  I was very proud of them for wearing helmets, which is a law here (but only for adults- kids can be free to ride helmet-less and crush their heads, even though they are the future of this country).  However, I was less proud when they offered me a "massage" at midnight.  I was clearly a prime target, so they realized that couldn't just give up after one try.  All I understood was massage, one-hour, and nice girl, but clearly she didn't understand "no" and me crossing the street to get away.  She did a u-turn and followed me up on the sidewalk and then cornered me in while the girl did a fake smile and touched me on my arm.  I almost pushed the bike over when that happened, then realized that her pimp was most likely lurking in the background and would pour hot pho all over me if I did.  So I had to back up and keep dodging the bike until she finally got the idea.  However, now I need to find that girl so I can send her to get me a job.

Another little thing I want to talk about, is old, sleazy Caucasian men, who come over for young, unknowing Asian women.  I have much love for interracial relationships, however the couples that you see in the backpacker district are a far cry from even Woody Allen and Soon Yi.  You see them in every bar: old greasy white guy drinking a beer and talking nonsense, while the younger Asian woman sits there with a very unhappy look on her face.  She probably can't understand what he is saying, and can't understand that he is one of a whole group of ex-NAMBLA members who come to South-East Asia on a mission to find girls who, unlike the girls at home, will actually sleep with them.  These men usually have some seriously fantastic mustaches.  That being said, upon leaving the grimy backpacking district, there are plenty of healthy and normal East/West relations.

For the finally and most thrillingly scary event of the week, I rode a motorbike for the first time.  Riding a motorbike on the open road is one thing, but riding one in this traffic is another.  People come into your lane to pass people in their lane, they take lefts across oncoming traffic into more oncoming traffic, and they swerve and weave and blow through red lights.  The only traffic rule that is ever enforced here is that people over the age of about 7 must wear helmets.  Ladies and gentlemen, this does not make sense.  Although I have built up a lot of confidence in my one epic ride, I cannot count how many close calls their were.  Luckily it is rare that you can gain a lot of speed, but then again, if you get in an accident at any decent speed on a motorbike, you are going to have a bad time.  Not to mention, you would be safer putting a paper mache dragon on your head than wearing the flimsy little kids helmets they have here.  Anyways, we spent the whole day getting lost and only making it less than 20kms outside of the city, but the change in scenery was drastic and it was well worth the experience.  If I learned one thing, I learned that you just have to trust that everyone else doesn't want to hit you and they will get out of your way if you get out of  theirs.  Just hope that you both don't dodge each other by turning in the same direction.  

I know I never really continued that last post, and to be honest I probably never will, because there is just too much to talk about.  But maybe, just maybe, I will update this more often than I have.  Don't count on it though. 

Until next time, when I hopefully have a job and a permanent residence.

-Bill